To Win at Marriage, Learn to lose
赢得美满婚姻,要学会认输

[10]We cannot obtain what we want unless our partner also gets what he or she wants. A woman may, for instance, want to go to the symphony. Her husband might hate symphonies. But by spending a few hours listening to music he doesn’t care for, he can bring joy to his partner. That’s a pretty cheap price to pay for joy, isn’t it?

[10]我们不可能得到自己想要的东西，除非我们的配偶得到他（或她）想要的。例如：一个女人想去听一场交响乐，而她的丈夫却讨厌交响乐，只要丈夫宁愿花几个小时去听一下他不喜欢的音乐，就可以给他的配偶带来快乐，难道这不是一个很廉价的换取快乐的办法吗？

[11]But what if a husband wants to go on a fishing trip with friends? Suddenly there aren’t a lot of samples in the wallpaper book: his wife either agrees or not.

[11]但是如果丈夫想要和他的朋友们一起去钓鱼呢？这时妻子就面临同意或不同意的抉择，就像墙纸样手册中突然没有许多样纸可供挑选了。

[12]Already you can hear the usual power strategies: “I’ll spend my money any way I please,” or “How come you’re such a millstone? Jim’s wife is happy that he gets to go.”

[12]你也许已听说过这样的权力策略：“我可以随意花我自己的钱。”或：“你怎么这样麻烦？吉姆的妻子就高兴他随便去哪儿。”

[13]Instead of such strategies, he might try empowering his partner: “Honey, I’d like to go on a fishing trip with the boys. What do you think?” “I thought we were going away.” “How about this fall? I’ve always wanted to take a trip with you to see the fall foliage in New England.” “Good idea. I’ll go see my mother while you’re fishing.” Such a dialogue, as idealistic as it sounds, is born of a marriage of mature adults.

[13]不采用这种办法，丈夫可以把事情让妻子自己决定：“亲爱的，我想和小伙子们一块去钓鱼，你看怎样？” “我想还是我们一块出去吧。” “今年秋天再去怎样？我一直想跟你去新英格兰看一看秋天的落叶。” “好吧。你去钓鱼而我回家看母亲。” 这样的对话，听起来是最理想的了。它只能发生在很成熟的成年人配偶之间。

[14]But what if she says, “You always make promises you never keep. This fall there will be some excuse. I think you owe me a trip first”? Now he must decide. Is she right? She could be, you know. When the couple arrives at this juncture, it’s time for him to listen.

[14]但如果妻子说：“你从不信守诺言。到今年秋天你又会有别的借口。我想是你首先欠我一次出游，对吧？”这样丈夫就必须决定，他的妻子是否正确。要知道，他的妻子可能是正确的。当双方到了这样一个关键时刻，丈夫就应该听从了。

第四部分