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To Win at Marriage, Learn to lose 赢得美满婚姻,要学会认输 ( 三 )



[14]But what if she says, “You always make promises you never keep. This fall there will be some excuse. I think you owe me a trip first”? Now he must decide. Is she right? She could be, you know. When the couple arrives at this juncture『时刻;重要关头』, it’s time for him to listen.

[14]但如果妻子说:“你从不信守诺言。到今年秋天你又会有别的借口。我想是你首先欠我一次出游,对吧?”这样丈夫就必须决定,他的妻子是否正确。要知道,他的妻子可能是正确的。当双方到了这样一个关键时刻,丈夫就应该听从了。

[15]When anger is hurled at us, it hurts us. If it were a pistol, I would insist anger, like control, be checked at the door. But anger can also be a response to pain. So when your spouse responds in anger, you must terminate『使停止;使终止』the argument. It’s that simple: the argument must end because another person may be in pain.

[15]如果激愤在我们之间爆发,它会伤害我们的感情。如果激愤是一把手枪,我认为也要像对待控制他人的欲望一样,要在一开始就不让它发射出来。但是愤怒可以是内心伤痛的一种释放。当你的配偶释放愤怒的时候,你就必须停止争吵。道理很简单,争吵必须终止,因为其中一人可能已被触动内心的痛处

[16]Try this: Let a little space occur between you. Let the storm recede a little. Then tell your partner you understand that when a person is angry, it means she’s been hurt, and that you want to do something about it because you love her.


[16]不妨这样试一下:让你们之间的紧张松弛一下,让你们之间的风暴平息一点。告诉你的妻子你理解她的激愤,你知道她内心有伤痛,你愿意为此做点什么,因为你爱她.

[17]Perhaps she’ll tell you why she’s hurt—angrily. Try not to be put off, but to hear the anger as sounds of hurt. When you discover the pain, you can address its cause, and the anger will begin to fade.

[17]也许她会愤怒地告诉你她为什么受伤,不要拖延,只管倾听她激愤的表达。当你发现她的痛处是什么时,你可以说出它的原因,这样激愤就可以平抚。

[18]You’re allowed to get angry too. But dumping anger on your partner is a poor way to soothe『安慰;抚慰』your hurt. When you talk of your hurt without anger, an unangry response usually comes.

[18]你自己也可以表示愤怒,但是对你的配偶宣泄你的激愤不是一个抚平内心伤痛的好办法。你如心平气和地说出你的隐伤,你会得到心平气和的理解。

[19] So remember: If you want to overcome anger in your relationship, search for the hurt. If you want to feel loved and respected, give up control. And if you want to win arguments at home, learn to lose them.

[19]所以请记住:如果你要想在你们的关系中克服激愤,那么就要找出内心的伤痛;如果你要想得到爱和尊重,就必须放弃对伴侣的控制;如果你想要赢得家中的口角,就先学会认输吧!

 

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